#100DaysofFeelings: On Day 15, I feel haunted.

Dreams are always telling.

Dreams tell you what you're afraid of, what you're subconsciously attracted to, and what you can't let go of.

 Have you ever had recurring dreams? Or recurring elements in dreams? Lately it's been all the same - the same person, the same ridiculous scenario - and I can't make out WHY this is happening, but I feel haunted.

Haunted by things I don't understand. 

It used to be flying and wearing uncomfortable clothes, but now it's men dressed as women and women having male parts. It's pregnant men and women sleeping with women. It's the same person, over and over again.

It's not fair that years after I got over him, he would haunt my dreams again.

When I was in University, he haunted my thoughts and filled my diaries. He was all I could think about. But I couldn't say it because he was a friend... to all of my friends. He even lived in the same house I lived. We became friends, and the worse things happened - I fell in love with him. It was the worst thing I have ever gone through, and I won't say much more on the subject. 

Just that every time he features in my dreams, I wake up sad.

Drained.

Unwanted.

Unrequited.

The word no one understands, but hurts like hell.

I've broken a lot of hearts in my life and I can't seem to help it. People fall in love with people whether it's mutual or not. And when you break someone's heart you think it's only fair your heart be broken as well. But what I experienced those 7 years ago... was worse than any punishment I could ever imagine.

Is this how the men I have broken felt? Haunted?

Do I haunt their dreams still?

I'm sorry...

 

Violeta Nedkova

Violeta Nedkova is a multipassionate marketer who loves helping people. She talks and writes about marketing with purpose and personality because it's so much better than traditional marketing.